Words are dang powerful. They can create beautiful relationships, or they can destroy them once and for all. They can be used to uplift someone or to tear them down. Your words can heal, or they can hurt. That’s why our grandparents or even parents always advise us to choose the words wisely because once they are out, we can’t take them back. They can only be forgiven, not forgotten. Undoubtedly, it gets hard to stay rational during a heated argument, but make sure not to go too far and use words that can sabotage your relationship with your significant other.
Below are seven words that are most commonly used during fights, but are destined to cause irreparable damage to your relationship.
Jeez! You always do this.
No one is perfect. Everybody has some flaws, weak areas, and bad habits. There’s no harm in pointing out your partner’s mistake, but your choice of words should be appropriate. You don’t have to make your significant other feel bad about himself/herself in order to correct them. If you are always going to be in a grumpy mood because of how they are, the situation will only get worse. Changing a habit is not easy at all. It takes time and effort. Be patient, and respectfully tell your partner why you’re upset with them.
Do whatever you want to.
No matter how furious you are, but if your partner is trying to communicate with you, you should listen to what they have to say. Saying, ‘do WHATEVER you want to,’ shows you don’t care about them, which will make them feel unimportant and insignificant. Your this attitude can damage your relationship even if you think you two share a strong bond because no one tolerates disrespect, and it may be possible that they’ll move on without you to find someone who’ll treat them better.
I know what you’re saying, but…
When you use ‘but’ in the middle of a sentence, it invalidates what you said before it. “You’re not wrong, but…” It’s better not to use this word, especially during arguments, because it portrays your good intentions as bad and turns even a positive statement into a negative one. Another reason for avoiding this word is, when you use it more often, it shows that you’re trying to control them and disapprove of what they say or do, which will definitely affect your relationship and weaken your bond with your partner.
You never do anything right!
When you use NEVER, it shows you’re hopeless about your partner and nullifying all of their efforts. You’re trying to tell them that they’re not capable of doing things right, which can breed feelings of low self-confidence in them.
Your spouse may have some good habits and qualities as well but, by using words like never or always, you’re overlooking their positive side and just being pessimistic, which is wrong.
Your partner may stay calm for the first time you lash him/her out, or they may ignore the insult for the second or third time too, but after that, they’re not going to take it anymore. So, even if you’re angry, don’t say anything that can negatively affect your relationship.
You did that!
Rather than working through the issue when you waste time pointing fingers at your partner, things get worse. Thinking what you do is always right, and all the problems in your relationship are because of them is wrong on so many levels.
Even If your partner is responsible for something, mention it politely and then work together to find the solution. Don’t let your anger control you because if it does, it’ll destroy everything you have, and you’ll just be left with regret and disappointment.
You must do that!
When you use words like, must, should, or shouldn’t, it shows the receiving person that you are trying to be superior to them, or an expert who thinks he/she has more knowledge and they are compelled to do what you say. Don’t try to be a mentor in your relationship. You both are equal and should treat each other with love and respect. Minimize the use of these words in your conversation that can create distances between you and your significant other.
I recommend you never use expressions like chill-out or calm down when emotions are already running high because they’ll add fuel to the fire. Your partner will be angrier, and the situation will be more intense. When you say the word RELAX during a fight, it shows that you’re invalidating your partner’s feelings and emotions. You’re trying to tell them that they’re just making a fuss about things and there’s no need to behave like that, which isn’t right. Ask them about their concerns and try to understand their feelings. Offer a suggestion and help them to move away from whatever is bothering them.
Which words trigger you the most during an argument with your partner?